Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
