I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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