So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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