And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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