You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
