dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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