If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize