i think my mom watched the whole time
People in love make me want to vomit
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You pole danced in your parka.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
