in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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