That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
