if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
