3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
