I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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