Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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