i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
