I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
