My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
