idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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