Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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