I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
