did you get engaged???
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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