As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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