The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Randomize
