Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
