I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
