I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
