Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
