My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
