Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
