FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
