Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
