The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
