so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
