i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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