If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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