i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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