no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
