I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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