come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
