You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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