i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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