I hate your face
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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