I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
