fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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