ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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