my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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