his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
