If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
