Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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