put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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