I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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