She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
