I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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