Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
3 2 1 whiskey
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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