It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
