in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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