I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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