So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He has the fingertips of a God
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
