Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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