some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
