There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
