he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
