My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
