we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
