Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
