I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
